this is love

for the longest time i can remember dreaming about a relationship that was worth the effort that they require. i had my share of girlfriends in the past, and was about to abandon the dream of finding someone to call my wife. then when i thought i had myself figured out, i realized i had buried myself inside a shell. it was a shell of immaturity, pity, doubt, irresponsibility, and misery. i didn't see a way out. i had settled on being this trapped person for who knows how long. a prisoner of myself. then something i wasn't prepared for happened; someone saw a light inside me that i didn't see myself. i was cherished. my company was more than invited...it was needed. for the first time i felt real love. i felt the real version of what i thought i had felt so many times before, but had been clouded by peer pressure or misunderstandings. it was a time for me to dust off my heart and try something new, something fresh. i went to visit this person in california (twice) where she was staying at the time. these were truly the best times of my life. she woke up my sense of love, and made me see myself for who i am today.

the first visit was so overwhelming that i couldn't focus on anything. i was still in disbelief that this person who i had been so fond of for years had actually requested my company. immediately i knew that she and i were made for each other...though it took a few days to show her the same. my face hurt i smiled so much. i've never had 'butterflies' for such an extended amount of time. this was still the stage where i couldn't hold eye contact for over a few seconds in fear i might turn bright red. it didn't matter, i felt my cheeks get hot every time she spoke to me. this first trip ended with the biggest feeling of complication i had experienced to date. i didn't want to leave, she didn't want me to leave, but my plane ticket made the decision for us.

a few days later and back in texas, a new ticket was purchased for the next week to go back out.

this trip might as well have been a movie. from start to finish, it was perfect. i arrived at LAX and was greeted with a traffic-stopping kiss outside the airport, which set the pace for the remainder of the trip. this was the love that has grown into our relationship now.

i find myself often feeling bad for others who cannot experience what we have. i really am the luckiest man in the world, or at least i think so. its such a blessing to have someone who is there for you, can pick you up when you are down, make you believe in yourself, and take the time to show you love in every move they make throughout the day.

the plan i formulated in california years ago finally came to life this february. chantal and i got married in central park, new york on valentine's day. my life has officially been restarted as new role of husband. its definitely going to be a journey, but i can't think of anyone else i'd rather be in it with. i wake up every morning next to a dream come true. there isn't one thing i would change about her. to me, she is perfect.